I would like to take a moment to talk about Yaniv, because I have been playing this game nonstop for about a year and from what I understand of the process addicts are supposed to publicly talk about their addictions.
someone on the ILX iPhone game thread brought this game up a while back and I’ve basically been playing it to the exclusion of everything else since (although Ridiculous Fishing has been making some inroads lately). as you can tell from the screenshot above, it’s a card game. here’s how it works (I am about to explain how a card game works, so if you don’t care about that shit skip past the bullet points):
- at the beginning of the game, three players get five cards and one is turned over from the remaining deck.
- players take turns trading in cards from their hand for either cards from the deck or the turned-over card.
- in addition to a single card, players can also discard doubles (or triples, or etc.) or straight flushes of three cards or longer (e.g. the three-four-five of clubs).
- if you draw a card that matches the one you just laid down, you can “slapdown” the card you just drew - if you do it within like two seconds.
- the goal of the game is to reduce your hand until it’s worth seven points or less. face cards count as 10 points; aces only count as 1.
- there are also Jokers, which function as wild cards and count as zero points.
- when you reach 7 points or less, you can call “YANIV” (which the game does for you in a random voice when you press the button). if none of the other players have a hand of equal or lesser value, then you win the round, meaning you get zero points added to your overall score. when your overall score exceeds 200, you’re out of the game.
- if one of the other players DOES have a hand of equal or lesser value, however, they scream “ASSAF”, and you get the full value of your hand PLUS thirty points added to your score.
- finally, if you hit 100 points or 200 points exactly, the game gives you a break and drops 50 points off your score (i.e. to 50 or 150).
JAMES SERIOUSLY WHO GIVES A SHIT
ME GODDAMMIT. it works SO much better in practice than it does in writing; I can only hope that the effect of the above pedantry was to make you buy the game in the hopes of making me shut up somehow. because seriously, once you internalize this game - once it becomes as instinctual as Temple Run (and it will) - you will lose your life to it. you will cultivate personalities around the various avatars the game makes up, and you will grow to hate them as they steal victories by pulling miraculous 200-Breaks out of their goddamn ASS over and over and over again. you will start commenting on games to yourself, noting the swings in fortune with pure Marv Albertian glee. and you WILL say the phrase “Motherfucking Yotam” more times than you ever have in your life, I can 100% guarantee you that (unless you know someone named Yotam IRL and he/she happens to suck pronouncedly).
or you can go online and play actual people, although as with all things I fail whenever people get involved. whatever. really the singleplayer is engrossing enough to justify your purchase. it is a solipsist’s dream: an empty theater where your blood rivals are always waiting to take you on at some stupid card game which just happens to function with the effortless beauty of math.
seriously, it doesn’t even cost anything, go get it.